So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
