what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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