She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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