sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
