My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
