Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
