I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
