thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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