Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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