so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize