Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize