Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
