Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
