when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
