I showed him my bush... on skype.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize