I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
