and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
