There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize