There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
