I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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