Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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