Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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