I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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