I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
