i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
