I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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