I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
