chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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