My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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