It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
