I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
