Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
