its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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