what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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