sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize