So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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