Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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