Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
