when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
