He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
