Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
