Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
