On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
