you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize