Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
