Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
