i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
