im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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