yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
