Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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