it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
