So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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