I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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