Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
