i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
