omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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