I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
