Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
