Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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