You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
