The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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