my phone needs a breathalizer
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
