on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
