Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
