We won't sleep together?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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