Im at strip club and am horny
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
