I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize